Joke of the day :-)

OMG I love that Catherine Tate sketch

Instead of another Christmas 'Royal Family' Special I'd love them to do a Gimme Gimme Gimme Crimbo Special

I love Ab Fab

I came across this Catherine Tate Show clip "Awkward" Springs to mind

Classic

Death of a TV comedy legend.

"David Croft, who has died aged 89, was responsible for some of the most popular and enduring British sitcoms of all time.

Where to begin but with the original and best – his first collaboration with long-standing partner Jimmy Perry – Dad's Army."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/tvandradioblog/2011/sep/27/david-croft-master-of-britcom

R.I.P

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

AB FAB MUSIC VID

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Frank. The midget”.

Two young ladies, long time friends, but recently married decided to go out alone in the town for a drink. After a few hours spent at a bar they decided to return home by walk in order to clear their minds a bit..
At one point one lady says:
-What would I do? No longer able to keep it up till home. Theother responds :
-Me too! Let's go here in this cemetery, it's dark and no one will see us ...
-Okay, but what we don't have toilet paper!
-I will use my panties and then get rid of them.
-I have no panties but i'll manage somehow.
The next day ,the husbands:.
-So where they were last night? Mine came home without panties.
-You're doing fine. Mine came with a ribbon on ther butt that says: "We will always remember you: (signed)The Smith Brothers! "

This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed.
He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?
"The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

Three silly ones

Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!
Wife: You wear shorts!



When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.



Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!"

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.


Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.


Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.


Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.


Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

I know this one is old but it's still damn funny!

Knock knock