Joke of the day :-)

A frog calls a psychic

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

Sounds of the Wild

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.

Mother: "What does the cow say?"

Child: "Moo!"

Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"

Child: "Meow."

Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"

And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."

Installing a Carpet


A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''

''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about:

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons.
'My son was born on St George's Day,' commented the Englishman. 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'
'That's a real coincidence,' remarked the Scot. 'My son was born on St Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew.'
'That's incredible, what a coincidence,' said the Irishman. 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.'

These are really silly, more more more

This tells me that I must be drunk

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

Beer goggles, the eighth wonder of the world

Englishman,Irishman & Scotsman in France are sentenced to death by guillotine. The Englisman puts his head on the block 1st & the executioner pulls the lever, but the blade doesn't fall. The governor says ' If this happens 3 times then by French law you walk free'. The lever is pulled twice more & still the blade doesn't fall so he was set free. The same thing happens when the Scotsman had his head on the block & he was set free. Paddy puts his head on the block, the lever is pulled , again the blade doesn't fall. Then Paddy turns round so the back of his head's on the block. The lever's pulled & the blade doesn't budge. 'Aha!!' says Paddy 'hold on! I can see what the problem is!'

Comic Flowchart on How To Deal With Internet Arguments

http://laughingsquid.com/comic-flowchart-on-how-to-deal-with-internet-arguments/

Wise advice

You looked a lot like my wife


A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

ok, i'm loving this section ahaha

Hahaha Tooth Fairy. It has been well over played on tv but it is funny and I hear he has got a new standup dvd out soon.

A farmer was driving through town one day and saw a movie he wanted to see.
He had his pet rooster with him so he stuffed it in his overalls and went in.
Two young women sat down next to him.
Shortly one young lady turned to her friend and said, "Sue, I think this guy next to me is some kind of pervert. He has his overalls open and his "thing" is sticking out"
Her friend said: " Oh Marry, don't be such a prude. If you've seen one you've seen them all."
"Yeah, but..." Marry replied, "this one's eating all my popcorn!"

Oh c'mon! LOL I hate the chipmunks

Me too thats why its posted under 'JOKE' of the day

Doesn't taste quite how it should, classic

One of Joan Rivers more tame clips

WTF